- Sep 12, 2018
- 3 min read
I used to work in recruitment for years. I would visit clients and hear hundreds of descriptions of what they wanted in a new employee- “previous experience, degree level, Microsoft office experienced etc.“ Then I would hear more often than not “obviously I shouldn’t say this l, but if they are female I’d like them to be older as then they won’t leave to have children”.
Before I carry on i have to say I would never comply with that request. I would always send candidates of all ages as it’s about the experience not age and when someone says something like that, I get angry inside and Ill push back and do the opposite (just ask my other half! Haha).
Anyway, this was said so often that I actually have it burnt onto my brain. How can men be so insensitive and, well, such assholes?!
I’m now out of recruitment and working in London as a PA/ office manager. My office is medium size And my team is predominately male.
Now my partner and I are discussing a baby in our future I’m finding myself being secretive about the topic and it made me think, Why? Why should women feel so scared and that it’s such a taboo to talk about their excitement of having/ wanting a child, fertility Or fertility struggles?
We spend most of our lives in our workplaces and they technically become close friends and family if you think about it.
i recently overheard a conversation at work, openly in my office, between some of the guys about them trying for babies. In fact I think 3/4 of them and their partners are going through testing and the struggle. They sat there quite casually and comfortably laughing and joking about what they are all going through. I sat smiling thinking how amazing it is to see the other side of the wall, how men actually do discuss it and how they have each other there rant at about this and share Their worries.
Then, my smile disappeared.
The reason- I’m going through it too.
I have been operated on, tested, drained of bloods, sat nervously waiting for results, looking for sperm anaylis places for my other half, had month after month of waiting to see if we had been successful, then that disappointing and frustrating moment where you realise this month isn’t the time.
But I can’t say anything or join in. Nothing.
Im petrified that if I say a word I will be looked at as a weak female or mostly “oh so she doesn’t want to work anymore” or “Oh great we’ll have to get someone else in”
The other month I got results back from some follow up scans for my endometiosis. It was just before work and wasn’t what I expected.
I had 2 giant chocolate cysts oy ovaries. I was devastated i went Into work and couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. Months of frustration and sadness got to me and I broke down.
I have a new female director who spotted me, grabbed me and took me to a room. That’s when I just let it out, well, it fell out. I told her I’m going through all this to have a family more than for the pain I go through every day etc and yet another hurdle was here and I can’t tell anyone at the place I practically live at About my struggle. It felt amazing to finally day something. She completely understood, and why wouldn’t she, she’s a woman! She’s a real role model for me, strong, successful and a kind Person who the men are scared of haha!
So I think as women we should be open Not scared. Not shouting it from roof tops but if it’s brought up, why can’t we be like the men I work and have a support network together?! I love my job and if we do have kids I’ll be back ASAP so I should be made to feel bad for wanting to have the love of a family.
